I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything on my blog…over a month I think. I’ve been busy, surprisingly student life doesn’t leave you to slack off too much…if you want to succeed in your studies or at least not to fail.
The last month has been the hardest that I’ve ever experienced (4 assignments and 1 exam within 5 weeks). It definitely gets worse and worse every year. I’m already worried for my next year’s studies how am I able to keep up with everyone, and more importantly push myself to get those good grades.
At the beginning of March I went on a quick trip to Finland since I’d already got myself ticket to Avenged Sevenfold’s concert. Also I have become a godmother! My godson’s christening (ristiäiset) was during that time, and I finally saw him in person. ❤ Cutest baby boy, so tiny! But loud as a siren… I got a good exercise for my hands since I hold him almost an hour to make him fall asleep. Heart melts when you see a sleeping baby, so peacefully quiet.
I’ve made video of the concert to my youtube channel. A7X!
Right now I’m in Finland in a two-week holiday, just the right time when everyone in London enjoys the summer weather, and it’s just the beginning of April! Nothing like Finland during spring. The day I left it was at least +23 degrees, and next day on Sunday even +25! Finnish girls that I’ve been get to know to were having a picnic, and I was so jealous wishing to go back to London right away.
Why am I even in Finland? And not travelling around somewhere in Europe? I wish, it would be perfect to go around Europe from London but I still haven’t succeed to make this plan true. Since I’m going for another year to Linnanmäki to work for the summer I had to come in Finland to train for the job during my spring break.
To be honest, it’s so easy to stick to the job that I got. I don’t have to do the effort to look for thousands of jobs which still doesn’t guarantee me a place (I know, I’ve been there). I like working there, we have a great atmosphere with my co-workers and we enjoy each others company. I guess, that’s why I decided to work there, again. Still, I need to start consider leaving Finland behind, and staying in London more permanently.
It’s nice to be in Finland when you can see your family and friends. Yet, I’ve realized something: more longer I’ve been living in London, more distant this country has become to me. Even though I’ve visited many times in Finland whilst living in London, it still doesn’t feel the same anymore. Does it feel like home? I don’t know really. It’s hard to explain what I’m trying to tell here, but…I think London has “stepped a foot on me”. I’ve got the taste of adventure, travelling, and I know I won’t be coming back to Finland anymore, at least not to stay permanently. I’ve been asked this many times:
“Do I wish to go back to Finland?” or something like “Am I going back to Finland after graduation?”
The answer is NO.
This is a scary situation because I think Finland is kind of like a safety net for me where to go to, if something goes wrong. I don’t want to go back to Finland after moving to London. But it scares me how am I managing when I need to find a job and reasonably cheap place to live (if I’m staying in London). That’s why I cannot think of going back, to Finland. That’s what it feels like. Going backwards. I need to move forward. I cannot go back, I need to set myself out of the comfort zone. Even though I’m already living alone in a huge city without any support from others, I can’t help myself but to wonder what is my future going to hold for me. I keep myself thinking that I can do it, and everything is going to turn just fine for me. After all I’ve come to this far. Just need a little push.
To take a leap of faith.