What ever you want to call it. 

I’m lost. And it’s not the first time. It seems that every time the spring comes and the school year is soon going to end, I get this lack of motivation to study. I don’t have willpower to make any effort to succeed in my studies. I loose my inspiration and passion to find a reason to work hard. I love to study psychology and want to learn more but sometimes it feels like I don’t want to do that anymore. “Is this what I wanted?”

Every year when I start my studies I’ll get excited about planning my schedules and how I’m going to study. As a dyslexic I need to plan everything ahead what I need to do and when, so I won’t fall behind with others and keep up with my goals. I guess I go a little over with it because I can’t keep that excitement till end of the year. I waste too much energy at the beginning that I won’t be able to carry on anymore at the end.

 I can’t force myself too much to work because then I would loose all my passion of studying. Don’t you agree?

I have had three exams during three weeks (each exam per week) and next week I have exam about psychology. This I scare the most because it’s very important to me to succeed in psychology. Yet, I haven’t done much effort to make sure I would nail that test (instead I have watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S., love that show!). Soon I’ll also need to start prepare for my presentation because in two weeks I’ll be flying home for Easter vacation, and when I come back the presentation needs to be ready. Damn!

I always get myself a lot of pressure and it just starts to accumulate on me. The worst thing is that I don’t worry just about my studies but as well everything else what is going on in my life. Living on your own isn’t always the sweet life you wanted because it comes with a lot of things to stress about. Like money! I can’t help it but I’m always thinking how much money do I have, how much I can spend today, do I have enough money for the end of the month… Annoying, I know!

If I have so much work to do then why am I writing this blog? Because I need to let these thoughts out so I can concentrate on the important things. We all have those times in our lives when you feel nothing will ever work and you want to give up. Then you should just let go. Stop right there and think. Think about what is it that you really want to do and focus on that. Think is it worth the pain to keep on going or do you need to choose yourself another path. Sometimes our mind force us to stop so we can realize what truly matters.

I have had my second thoughts but I haven’t regret moving in to London to study this degree, yet. As you know from my former post (if you have had the chance to read it) I have decided to apply to other universities starting next semester. I was starting to give up on that thought since there has been difficulties for attaching my teacher’s reference to the application. Until now! Yes, I finally sent the application! I just need to wait for any possible offers from the universities I applied – King’s College London, Royal Holloway, University of Surrey…I wanted to apply to UCL as well but they didn’t accept anymore applications in psychology degree for next semester so I guess I won’t be going to UCL after all. That’s all right. It wasn’t my first choice anyway (my dear friends in UCL don’t get mad!). What matters that finally something is going on the right track, and I can move on from here with confidence. I’m not trying to get too excited about this since it’s not guaranteed I would get any offers from these universities but…fingers crossed and all the luck for me that there is!

Okay, now I’m starting to get excited and I can’t wait to find out if I could get the chance to get in any of these universities. I don’t even know for sure where I would go…till then I focus on this day and what matters in this moment: study! I need to get back to study.