There has been a lot of discussion over #metoo campaign. I feel bad for that we, the victims, must bring this up and not the person harassing you. It’s difficult to speak up about something so tragic, especially when they deny it or tell something like this: “It was a joke, it’s no big deal anyway, you weren’t raped or anything right?” The same way I feel about me being bullied. Nobody ever admit bullying me (I wonder if anyone of them would admit it today if I met them?) and it’s really hard to talk about it because I want to leave it all behind – like it never happened. But it exist, it still exist in the past.
I wasn’t sure should I share my story or not, till I started thinking exactly what I just wrote up there. The problem exist whether or not I speak about, but at least I can show my side of story. This what I wrote on my Instagram:
Don’t be ashamed of NOT sharing your story. It’s not your fault. What matters more you feel good about yourself. Focus on that. Yourself. I know bc this is tough for me too. Still not asking anyone else to share their story. Focus on yourself and what feels good for you.
I used to be really ashamed of my body and felt like I’m not good enough to show my body. I covered it. Building that confidence and having a positive body image of myself took a long time. I still feel awkward and even scared to wear dresses bc it makes me feel I’m naked. Having that feeling to go out, feeling awesome what you’re wearing, not giving a damn what you look bc I look great! Then someone brings it down. Sexual harassment. I hear that voice in my head “Shame on me, shame on me” I wanna cover myself again. “Hide that body!” As minor as it may seem to you it’s still sexual harassment and it DOES have affect on ME. Do you know how hard it is to build that positive body image, have the confidence to be yourself again? Every time you wanna slap my ass, grap my boobs, catcalling etc. you bring down all that hard work I’ve done…”Shame on me” NO! SHAME ON YOU! #metoo
Sometimes you need to speak up to get the heavy weight off your shoulders. That’s why I did it. I’m still aware this doesn’t make the problem go away since it shouldn’t be the victim taking responsibility to say the truth out loud, but if those bastards are not going to say what is needed to say, then who will? It’s not fair but at least we can raise the awareness of what kind of world we are living. We still need a solution to this. Ideally this should stop those people to think who have ever harassed someone and change their behavior to better. Ideally.
P.S. I hope one day I’m able to open up about my past, bullying, what it has done to me. Then again, do I really have to? As long as I can let go from the past and it doesn’t haunt me anymore.